Why doesn't my wife respect me?

We often hear the saying, respect is not given, it is earned. Yet so many men look at their marriage and think the respect from their wife should be a given, the biblical norm. St Paul says, wives, respect your husbands, as if that is the command. So men try to lead from a position of telling their wife she needs to respect them, rather than working backwards and finding out why she does not actually respect them.

So many men become powerless in their own home. They go to work, they provide for the family, and they say, see, is this not enough? But men would be going to work whether or not they were married. Being male and having a job does not make you the leader of your family. The leader of your family is someone your wife holds in high regard and respects of her own will.

Recently a member of my church was going to a homeschool co-op where there was a whole group of men, not Orthodox, men from all walks of life. The men were asked, raise your hand if you are the spiritual leader of your home. The Orthodox husband and one other guy raised their hands, and nobody else. So if you want to be the leader of your home and you say, my wife must respect me, the number one question needs to become: why is she not respecting me?