What does it mean to lead your family like Christ?

A real leader is not somebody who commands people to follow him, or demands it, or manipulates it. Real leadership is like Christ. When Christ led the apostles, he led them by his very presence. He did not go and tell them that he was God of the universe, that he created the world. He did not say any of that. He modeled his love to them, and by his very presence people were attracted to him and wanted to follow him, all the way to the point that he showed them how much he loved them by dying for them.

Even of the people who were murdering him, he said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Love, devotion, faithfulness, unending love for his disciples: that is why the disciples were so drawn to him. So when he was resurrected and came back to them and said, now go out into the world and preach me to everyone and die for me, they all said, no problem.

That is what they did. They went out and became martyrs preaching the gospel of Christ, because their relationship with him was such that no one could compare with him. That is what we need to be as husbands: that type of servant leader, that Christ-like figure in the life of our wife, so that she can look at us and say, I respect him as a man, I respect the way he carries himself, I respect the things he does.

Otherwise you end up with the conundrum where you say, my wife should respect me because I am the head of the house. All of that is egotism and pride. A real leader does not lead like that, because that is not how Christ led, and none of that even works in real life. A real leader embraces his role and exemplifies what it means to be a leader. Are there things you will fall short on?

Yes, of course, you are human, and so am I. But fundamentally, when your wife sees you, she should have a sense of: that is my husband. I know him. I know his character. I know his love and devotion to me and the children. I see his steadfastness, his sacrificialness, the way he carries himself. And I respect him. So yes, women must respect their husbands. But husbands, you must be worthy of respect by the way you carry yourself and the life you live. The honest feedback your wife gives you is the key to knowing the things you need to work on. So embrace it.