How do I find a real spiritual father?

There's the priest at your parish, who is your father confessor and hears your confessions regularly, particularly for us in the Russian tradition. But there is also, and this is the key, a spiritual father who connects with you on a much deeper level, and some people don't ever find that person. When I asked the bishop about this, his answer was beautiful.

He said, if our heart is deeply seeking for something, God will give it. He never knew he had this thirst for God until after he found his elder, and then he realized God had shown him this person. God gives equal opportunities to everyone: the way we are born, where we are born, the timing, everything serves our salvation. If I'm in need of a spiritual person to guide me, at the right time God will provide.

His own elder had no one to start with. His thirst was deeper than all the spiritual fathers around him, and God himself gave him what he was looking for. If we can't find someone, the writings of the holy fathers can help us to a degree as well. But if there is a real thirst, God will find a way. It all comes down to our willingness to follow Christ. If we are willing to empty ourselves, he will find the way, he will find the person, he will create scenarios we never thought of.