Why does the spiritual life feel like I'm drowning?

Somebody said to me recently, it's like I get my head above water, take a couple gasps of air, and then the demons pile on my shoulders and push me under again. Isn't that a good description of the spiritual life? I grew up in Southern California and we would bodyboard, and sometimes you'd get hit with two or three waves, and by the time the set passed you'd feel lucky to be alive.

Sometimes the spiritual life feels like that. We're not all great saints surfing the waves of life. Bishop Emilianos says sometimes we need to be like the log just floating on the water, but Lord have mercy, sometimes we're just a man one second from drowning. Why is this? The number one reason is that we don't watch our thoughts. We let too many thoughts into our mind that are fearful, destructive, anxiety producing, provoking hopelessness or despair.

We let the devil get on our shoulders and entertain what he suggests, and his suggestions are tailor-made to each of our personalities. If we're not vigilant, not saying the Jesus Prayer, not confessing these things and getting them out, the emotions that are the byproduct of the thoughts take us down. We focus on the waves like Peter, become afraid, and begin to sink.

The only way we can walk on the water is when we're looking at Christ. Our mind has to be focused and trained to look at him.